I fed my luvah roast duck meat

The origins of this Day of Love are somewhat unclear. There are those who attribute the holiday to Rome, others blame a Christian saint and still other folks believe that this is just another excuse to sell cards. Whatever its origin, St. Valentine’s day tends to exacerbate tensions in a relationship, put pressure on the single to, er, double, and set up another ideal no one can match. Other than that, it’s a great holiday.

Think of all the poor slobs who are alone on this holiday. How many Hallmark commercials must they be forced to endure? The festive pink holiday bunting at local pharmacies must be fire hazzard of some kind. And if you love someone, why are you giving them chocolate treats to expand their problem areas? This is all madness!

The cynical among you might say that my criticisms are the product of a failed relationship whose anniversary fell on this day. Others may lay the blame at a severe beating I received on this day as child for absconding with a supply Necco Wafer hearts. Of course, who could forget the dressing down I received from Headmaster when chum Phineas broke his leg whilst jumping from a tall tree all those many Valentine’s days ago?

To my critics, I say: feh! And feh again! The quality of my analysis stands on its own without deconstruction. Valentine’s day is a humbug! Now, leave to eat my wretched Necco’s in peace…

Those interested in meeting jjohn in meatspace may contact him on Instant Messager through the screen name snugglebuddy69. Please, no freaks or fat chicks.

[Original use.perl.org post and comments.]