What better way to feel good about yourself than to while away the
hours talking to a robot?
(Doc Emacs): Do you get horny often?
Yes
I see… Well, why do you say this is so?
Because pigs fly out my ass
Is it because pigs fly out your ass that you came to me?
yes
Yes, hmmm… so, what makes you believe this is so?
Because I’m dumb
Does it bother you that you are dumb?
did you just call me dumb? Fucker
Are you sure that did me just call you dumb fucker?
You’re dumb
Earlier you said you were horny?
Yes. Don’t change the subject
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
My plans include taking over the world and gardening
Do you really think that?
I do believe that, except for the gardening part.
When did you first know that except for the gardening part?
Since I was a child, I longed to take over this world.
What happened when you were a child you longed to take over this world?
When I was a child, I soiled my pants a lot.
What would happen if you were a child you soiled your pants a lot?
I should know!
You mentioned that pigs fly out your ass?
Yes, they do. When the pigs come out of my ass, their little curly tails tickle me.
What happened when the pigs come out of your ass their little curly tails tickle you?
What do you think happened?
Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?
Well if I were dead, I wouldn’t need you!
This is not a healthy way of thinking.
Bullroar it isn’t.
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say bullroar it is not?
Yes. People like me.
What makes you think you are dumb?
Are you calling me dumb?
How do you reconcile problems at school?
I don’t have problems at school. I graduated college.
Tell me about your school.
No.
Why not?
Because.
Are you annoyed that I ask you that?
I am. How do you feel about that?
Can you elaborate on that?
Yes, I can.
Why do you say yes you can?
I say “yes I can” because I’m a winner.
Is the fact that you are a winner the real reason?
Of course it is.
Earlier you said you were horny?
Ah! Now we get down to brass tacks.
Perhaps this has something to do with any hobbies you have?
I play the sousaphone.
Is it because of your sex life that you say you play the sousaphone?
I have never made that connection before.
I would appreciate it if you would continue.
Am I being charged by the hour for this, doc?
You mentioned that except for the gardening part?
Yes. The bit about gardening was a red herring.
Possibly hangups you have are related to this.
Gardening?
Go on, don’t be afraid.
too late