To the drunk young man who repeatedly asked me to dance on the rotating disco floor and who later incoherently slurred to me in the men’s room later that evening, I hope that you made it home alive. I’m sorry if the black and white furry pimp hat gave you the wrong impression of me. In case you thought the world didn’t care, one all male couple later asked me, “are you taking that boy home? He is drunk!”

To the “professional girl” and older “gentleman caller” who was “courting” her on the dance floor, I can only hope that your financial transaction was successfully concluded and profitable for both of you.

Finally, to the eighteen-year-old attractive blond who was shooting hoops until closing in the big-hair band bar and who inserted a breath mint into my mouth at the end of the evening, you clearly didn’t understand what the pimp hat was trying to tell you about me and perhaps that was my fault. I should have tried to explain it to you instead of slurring incoherently. My bad.